Much Ado About Nothing
by quokka
Summary: Collection of Tony and Ziva centered snippets. Each chapter is a one-shot in its own universe.
1. The Greater Good

A/N: Collection of Tony and Ziva centered snippets. Some will be shippy, others friendshippy, none will have a plot, most will be inspired by prompts I found on tumblr. Each chapter is a one-shot in its own universe.

Ratings will vary. This one has some adult language and innuendo.

* * *

Ziva was putting the finishing touches on her makeup when a stumble in the shower stall next to her made her look away from the mirror in alarm.

"Fuck me!" Tony yelled.

"If I must," Ziva answered loud enough to be heard over the spray of water, trying not to laugh. If there was one thing she had learned over the years, it was that the more he complained about being hurt, the less serious his injury was. She turned her attention back to the mirror.

From the corner of her eye she saw Tony scramble to his feet behind the frosted glass. He turned off the water, opened the shower door and looked at her with a pout.

"If you must, Ziva?" he questioned, mock-hurt.

Careful to check her grin, she gave him a short head tilt, and stepped in closer, looking him up and down

"I have been known to sacrifice myself for the greater good," she deadpanned.

"Wow! You're sacrificing yourself by fucking me, huh?" he said dramatically, clutching a hand to his chest.

"Well," Ziva said and stepped in even closer, making sure not to get her clothes wet. "You are great…and good."

Tony grinned broadly and she stood on tiptoe to give him a searing kiss, swatting his wet hand away when he tried to pull her to him.

"Of course, if you ever want me to sacrifice myself again for the…" She let her eyes rove over his naked, wet body slowly. "Greater good," she continued huskily, "you will not repeat that to anyone."

Ziva turned to tidy up the sink countertop. "Now hurry up, we don't want to be late for work." She looked at him pointedly. "Again."

"I can think of at least half a dozen reasons why we absolutely do want to be late for work. Again," he said teasingly, waggling his eyebrows.

* * *

A/N: prompt: Who slips in the shower, yelling "fuck me!" and who smirks and mutters, "if I must"


	2. Run Your Mouth

**A/N** : Prompt request on tumblr: "You're so fucking hot when you're mad."

* * *

Their suspect was a grade A sleazeball. They often were, but this one took the cake. Gibbs had sent Ziva into interrogation just to throw him off his game and antagonize him.

She had started the interrogation sweetly, luring the suspect into a false sense of calm and power. But then he had said something he shouldn't have and she had pounced like a mountain lion on a poor innocent lamb. Except, he wasn't innocent and everyone involved knew it. Seeing the guy recoil in fear and surprise had been extremely satisfying.

He probably shouldn't enjoy watching her interrogate suspects quite this much, Tony thought.

There was just something tantalizing about the way she would lower and raise her voice and get right up in a suspect's face when least expected. She didn't have to throw around furniture to make it very clear that she could, and would, end someone's life if the situation called for it.

After less than fifteen minutes their suspect broke down and started writing a full confession. But not before pissing Ziva off one last time.

When she walked into the observation room where he and Gibbs had been watching the interrogation, she was still fuming.

"That _man_ ," she said and stabbed a finger at the glass pane, nostrils flaring, "deserves to die a very slow, very painful death."

She planted her legs wide and flexed her fingers, before inhaling deeply and crossing her arms over her chest with another glare at the man in the other room.

Tony grinned. Not only did they catch the murderer, Ziva looked incredibly enticing, all flushed and agitated. If Vance hadn't gotten rid of the gym, she would be down there beating the crap out of a punching bag right now.

Maybe he should help her find a different outlet for her pent up frustration, he thought as his grin widened and he looked her up and down slowly.

"You're so fucking hot when you're mad," he said lowly.

His eyes went wide when he realized Gibbs was still in the room, a fraction of a second before the older man's hand connected to the back of his skull.

Ziva grimaced in empathy.

Gibbs glared at him, then turned towards Ziva, nodded his approval at breaking their suspect, and walked out of the room.

Ziva narrowed her eyes lightly and said, "You really need to keep your mouth in check."

Tony frowned slightly, then his trademark smile appeared. "You didn't feel that way last-"

The scowl she sent him cut him off. It wasn't until she pointedly looked to his right that he realized the technician was still in the room.

He puffed out his chest a bit and in his most authoritative voice said, "We have a lot of paperwork, Agent David, we'll talk about this later."

They walked out into the hallway in perfect sync, and as Tony closed the door behind them, Ziva whispered, "The only _talking_ you will be doing later is unintelligible moaning."


	3. Too Hot To Handle

**A/N** : I was going to work on an unfinished fic, but I made the mistake of going through my list of prompts instead, and I stumbled across "You're burning up", and then this happened.

* * *

He'd been watching her like a hawk ever since she slogged out of the elevator two hours ago, handkerchief pressed underneath her nose. If she turned any paler she would rival McGee's pasty complexion.

He crossed the few feet separating their desks, came to a halt mere inches from her chair—smack dab in the germ-zone—and looked down at her silently.

Ziva heaved a sigh and looked up at him. The menacing expression she was clearly going for, fell short due to the glassy eyes, heavy mouth breathing and rosy, sniffling nose.

"Are you okay?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, he wondered why he even bothered with that question. It always got the same reply.

"I am fine."

Yup, that one. Although, it sounded a bit stuffier than usual.

He placed the back of his hand against her forehead. The lack of an eye roll on her behalf was just as telling as the heat against his skin.

"You're burning up."

"Stop telling me how hot I am." She weakly swiped at his hand, sniffled, and turned her attention back to the computer screen.

"First of all, never gonna happen, second of all, not what I meant."

Ziva let out a hoarse huff.

He stared down at her until she faced him again. The miserable expression on her face solidified his earlier intent.

"I'm taking you home."

He grabbed her coat from the back of her chair and held it out for her, standing his ground.

Another sigh, but she got up and slid into the coat without a word of protest.

He picked up his backpack from behind his desk just when Gibbs walked into the bullpen, fresh coffee in hand.

"Boss, Ziva's burning up, I'm taking her home and making sure she stays there."

Tony walked over to Ziva who had finished buttoning her coat, and shouldered both their backpacks.

Gibbs sat down at his desk and looked from Ziva to him. "You sure she's not too hot to handle for you, DiNozzo?"

Tony did a double take at Gibbs' smirk, and guided Ziva towards the elevator. As the doors closed in front of them, he glanced at his partner from the corner of his eye. Her flushed cheeks and glassy eyes did nothing to hide her grumpiness, and he suppressed a smile; even firefighters would think she was too hot to handle most of the time.

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 **A/N** : Thank you for reading and the continued support. Being welcomed back so warmly three fics ago after my hiatus was, well, heart-warming (shame on me for not mentioning this earlier).


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